(The main thing this year I learned was how to pronounce
'Mal-muuuuurrrhhh'.)
My track record at predicting the winner is... Mixed. It's usually fifty-fifty on whether Europe and I will see eye to eye on who
should be victorious. But with Only Teardrops it was a 'no boner', as a family
friend once malapropped (it has since entered into family folklore and we will
never say 'no brainer' again). From the very first panpipe, we all knew this
had victory written all over it. That it was fronted by a sexyhippy Scandi in
bare feet and backed by sexymilitary Scandis with shaggy hair was just a bonus
(no boner). Def one of my Top 5 Winners.
As for the UK, after Poor Englebert, it was Poor Bonnie -
regardless of its feelings about the Total Eclipse Of Her Heart, when it came
to Believe In Me, Europe lost its faith. The song was ok - a forgettable
ballad, but it was never going to pass muster in amongst the cray-cray class of
2013.
Perhaps Bonnie would have been better off recreating her
mug-based vodkathon from Never Mind The Buzzcocks. That might have been able to compete with a
Finnish lesbian wedding; a Romanian - Moldovan elevating dress off (clear popera
victory for Cezar); an Azeri man trapped in a box; an actual Ukrainian giant, and Greeks in kilts offering free booze.
There were also some genuinely brilliant pop gems sneaked
in this year which might have rivalled Teardrops, had the live performances not missed the mark, compared to the recorded versions. This slinky Norwaymazingness didn't quite translate to the live show, in spite
of a Scandiwegian beauty in a white rubber tube dress. And compare and contrast Germany's Euphoria rip-off, I mean, tribute
live (ouch) with its recorded version - add in the auto-tune and it's suddenly GLORIOUS.
GOOD TIMES!
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