Every year a musical extravaganza known as the ESC takes place and is celebrated across Europe and increasingly commonly a Eurovision party is held, allowing fans to watch the televised event communally. But the cult Eurovision holds many secrets for the uninitiated... No more! The purpose of this guide is to share a few key pieces of Eurovij – as it has come to be known (by, well, me) - knowledge for a Eurovision dummy to hold his or her own amongst the Song Context geeks.
The Contest - then
1956 in Lugano 'Grand Prix de l’Eurovision'. It was the first Pan European televised event – hence Eurovision. 7 countries took part, but not the UK. It was a very simple premise - all the participating countries would judge the songs and the winner would claim the great honour of hosting the next year’s contest.
Previous winners: Abba and Celine Dion
Not Morrissey (He wanted to take part for the UK, but pulled out when told he’d have to audition like everyone else. Shocking.)
The Contest – now
Following the fall of the Iron Curtain, the contest has made way for Eastern Europe expansion – 43 countries took part in the 54th contest in Moscow: Albania; Andorra; Armenia; Azerbaijan; Belarus; Belgium; Bosnia & Herzegovina; Bulgaria; Croatia; Cyprus; Czech Republic; Denmark; Estonia; Finland; FYR Macedonia; Georgia; Greece; Hungary; Iceland; Ireland; Israel; Latvia; Lithuania; Malta; Moldova; Montenegro; the Netherlands; Norway; Poland; Portugal; Romania; Serbia; Slovakia; Slovenia; Sweden; Switzerland; Turkey and Ukraine, UK, France, Germany and Spain.
Notable absences: Italy and Austria. They don’t bother any more – they stopped winning long ago and flounced off. But the Swiss do take part – apparently not so neutral where Eurovision is concerned. Whilst Western countries tend to find the whole thing very camp and silly, it is taken very seriously by the new participants - a win means a lot in terms of promoting their nation and getting a higher European profile.
With 43 countries now in, necessary to have semi finals to avoid a ten hour contest. The final still lasts several hours. Music is the winner.
The Big 4
However, there are five automatic places in the final: the host country (last year’s winner) and the Big 4 The Big 4: UK, France, Germany and Spain Quite simply, they pay for it – so they don’t have to qualify. Fair? Er, do you want them to take the cash away?
Contest classics
The local hosts – there to show off their country. Generally they employ an ‘interesting’ use of English – and French, which is still an official language, though isn't even used by the French much these days. C'est un scandale.
Copycat themes
Camp is key, originality sometimes lacking – and last year's winner is generally copied the next year; see Celtic panpipes, latex hard rock, belly dancing pop, big diva ballads, on-stage fire. Only the one transsexual winner to date though.
Costumes
For her: glitzy and short.
For him: a suit
Costume changes remain popular - particularly the ripping off of skirts, and nowadays – perhaps because of the contest’s popularity amongst the gay community – ripping open shirts. And once the songs are over…
The voting
“Hello Kiev, this is Lisbon calling.” Televised across Europe – technology has improved, but we still enjoy the inevitable bad connections. Each country gives their points – from 1 to 12. “Douze points!” Yes – this takes hours. Musical merit? Ha! Supposedly the songs are judged on their quality. Hence ‘song contest’.
Everybody needs good neighbours…
It is generally understood that countries allocate points based on their nations’ relationship to the other countries, rather than on the musical merits of the songs; Greece and Cyprus's unfailing exchange of 12 points (every single time since popular voting was introduced in 1998).
AKA please don’t cut off our gas Mr Putin
But neighbours exchange points even when they are ruled by political parties that may be hostile to each other – ex USSR – Ukraine and Russia. Is it because they are kowtowing? Or rather that those countries are still very culturally/musically similar?
Big 4 – sour grapes.
No one votes for them. Careful little countries – if you don’t vote for us, we might take our ball away! Interestingly the year’s contest will also see the return of the juries - but will the bias remain? (Certainly it’s hard to imagine Greece and Cyrpus not exchanging 12 points.)
A few famed Eurovision events
Terry Irish personality Terry Wogan has been long since associated with contest – funny and sarky comments throughout – possibly helped along by a few sips of whiskey. He has now decided not to comment anymore – reportedly because of his frustration about biased voting.
Nul points
Most memorable is Norway’s Jahn Teigan in 1978. Norway have suffered nul points a few times. UK too – Jemini. (Though they actually deserved minus points.)
The luck of the Irish
They've won three times in a row! Remember that Father Ted episode? My lovely lovely lovely horse. But who could forget that incredible EV half time highlight Riverdance? Genuinely amazing .
Finally: Dos and Don’ts
Do: Dress up as your favourite country.
Mark each country on song, performance and costume.
Cheer when Greece and Cyprus give each other douze points.
Watch it with the subtitles on.
Don’t: Say ‘Israel isn’t in Europe’ and nor is Turkey.
Ask ‘but why are all the Balkans/Baltics/Scandis voting for each other?’
Expect the UK to win.
And last of all: Don’t, under any circumstances, take it seriously.
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