2008 Voting rant

As for the results, well, yes, the ‘please don’t stop our oil’ political Eastern bloc voting lead to Russia’s first win - cause it clearly wasn’t the song wot won it! Now, I love the comedy element of the neighbourly love-in vote patterns – even as a tiny child I waited expectantly for Greece and Cyprus to high-12 each other. And I wouldn’t mind Russia winning if the song hadn’t been so colossally rubbish and so instantly forgettable - actually, I’m not even sure I was remembering any of it whilst I was actually listening to it. It must have gone in one ear and out the other with my brain refusing to process any content. But it seemed to me that the UK entry wasn’t *that* bad and that if two of the other Big Four, France and Spain, were getting low/mid-table scores, then it seemed harsh that Andy Wotsit wasn’t. (Obviously Germany’s No Angels were just awful. AWFUL. And I say that as someone who actively purchased their lyrically-bizarre (necrophilia-inspired?) first single ‘(I Wanna See) Daylight In Your Eyes’ and listened to it on repeat. The unsatisfying consensus seems to be that everyone just hates the UK and that’s all there is to it. But… really? There are plenty of unhated UK popstars with a wide European fanbase, right? Right?! Name one? Errrrr… Elton John? Several decades ago? Take That? Before they reformed? Blue? Oh God, has it come to this…? We can’t even claim Kylie to be ours, can we? Even though we saw her first? Actually, I don’t even want the UK to win – the comedy potential of the show being hosted by a nation forced to speak Euro-English will always outweigh the thought of the BBC getting an awful blande à la Fearne Cotton or Tess Daly to do it. No, my worry is that eventually the Big Four will get bored of sniffing around the scoring table’s nether regions and withdraw funding. “Oi you irksome little Easties, you wanna play with our ball? You have to let us win, then. Or we’re off to play on our new Wii. ALONE.” And that would make me sad. Eurovision royalty Terry Wogan’s already hinted that he’s off. (Though, IMHO, his form has been actually visibly affected in recent years by his - understandable? - irritation at the Eastern European dominance.) I suppose it is worth noting that the High Priests of Eurovision did play around with the semis in an attempt to counteract bloc voting, and that seemed to work to an extent. I quite like the idea of grouping countries into voting regions somehow. If there is a Scandi vote or a Baltic vote, then they can’t just all 12 point each other, can they? But maybe I’ll leave the political hot potato logistics of sorting such a nightmare out to someone else. Pfffffff, ultimately, Eurovij will continue for a few more years with or without British humph-ing at the voting shenanigans. So, I’m already hanging on for next year…