No time to go on at length tonight - blame my children and my decision to drink wine with friends on Friday. Please enjoy this speed blog placeholder instead of my usual droning on.
San Marino
Flo Rida flew over to guest on this banger, but the real star is lady singer Senhit's triangular hair, and her romantic poet come ninja dancers. Also, rotating stage.
In or out? Ticket to the final.
Estonia
Forgettable if not uncatchy ballad from extremely handsome man in caj tuxwear.
In or out? Songs second in the running order are doomed to fail at the best of times and no-one is *that* good-looking.
Czech Republic
My notes (AKA the Eurovision group chat) just say “I like Benny”. He wore a sparkly jacket I think? This was... nice...?
In or out? No go – as unmemorable for the rest of Europe.
Greece
Greek girl banger – what else? Inexplicably backed by early MTV special effects rather than the tried and tested line dance in white mini dresses.
In or out? Delighted that Cyprus and Greece can hand each other the twelve.
Austria
There were two big old gospelly ballads called Amen this year – this is the boy one.
In or out? Neither got through.
Poland
Highly agreeable eighties electro from Poland's answer to Ben Shepherd. White suits and camping lights-ography.
In or out? Denied – I'm raging.
Moldova
Traditional Euro-banging from Moldova, who usually bring us the kerazee - so highly sedate stuff in the grand scheme, but jaunty and energetic nonetheless. Think Elizabeth Banks in a skater dress.
In or out? A slightly lucky pass to the final, but no complaints here.
Iceland
Wonderful Dadi and Gagnamagnio deserve way more than a speed blog, but you know the drill from last year - TikTok trends, teal sweatshirts, silly-cool dance moves and a disco tune borrowed from Nile Rogers (but who else is it worth borrowing from?) A cut above.
In or out? Thankfully through
Serbia
Three lovelies with the entire branch of Croydon Superdrug dumped on their faces bringing it large with a cracking Euro-banger.
In or out? This would be a tacky hot mess in English - but it's in Serbian, so class ahoy.
Georgia
Serious man with dark big voice doing dirgy ballad. (According to the chat “I don't hate it. It's Blur album-track-esque, but sung by someone who might also be having a poo”.)
In or out? I don't think he wanted to win if I'm honest.
Albania
Red lights, smoke and big old panpipe action. A rare 2021 lady ballad.
In or out? She made it through - wildcard.
Portugal
Proper muso guitar band *ROLLS EYES* – except it's total fromage throughout. I did enjoy the guitar solo mime though – he didn't even pick the instrument up fully and I'm fairly sure he was chuckling to himself about it.
In or out? In - Europe blinded by fake axe work and mansplaining.
Bulgaria
Earnest singer does pretty ditty in a minor key sitting on giant rock.
In or out? In – the bookies have long since rated it. I found it yawnsome.
Finland
No-one asked for a nu-metal revival, and yet here we are.
In or out? Seemingly Europe *has* asked for a nu-metal revival.
Latvia
It's about a thousand musical styles, none of which go together, but my main gripe is that the singer and dancer are wearing two ever so slightly different shades of green - both of which I like, but which don't quite match up. Green Energy and Resplendent Emerald I'd wager.
In or out? Out I'm afraid.
Switzerland
His outfit is an unflattering Pat Butcher blouse shocker but his voice was bang on – melancholy quirky slow number.
In or out? Solid jury vote vibes – see you samedi.
Denmark
Perfect Schlager triumph so good I couldn't believe it was performed by two Gen Zers, rather than their fifty-something dads. It's feely-est of all feel good feel goodness.
In or out? OUT!?!!!?!?!? Nooooooooo! I'm still utterly furious that Europe denied us another outing of this solid gold cracker. You've only hurt yourselves you know. I will console myself thusly...
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