UK entry shortlist: 2016

The UK will soon be Making Its Mind Up (sing it to the tune guys, seriously - just give in to it). Here are my initial thoughts on the six would-be entries from the Royaume-Uni, which can be listened to here.

Bianca - Shine A Little Light. It’s written by BIFFCO!  How did *that* happen?!  Sure it's no Spice Up Your Life (what is), but the Shine A Little Light riff is suitably earworm-y. So far I can cope.

Karl William Lund - Miracle. I didn’t make it through the song as zzzzzzz. Inoffensive – which in itself makes it offensive. Next!

Darline - Until Tomorrow. For the band name (Darline, Darline, Darline, DARRRR-LIIIIIIINE etc) - douze points, obvz.  I quite like a bit of harmonised country-lite, I’m just not sure what staging could make this stand out on a Eurovij platform. I know the Dutch managed it a year or two back, but I fear this would get swallowed.

Dulcima - When You Go. I thought this was going to be a big old epic electronic triumph at first, but *waaah waaah waaah trombone noise*. It felt like S Club 7 meets Rednex – but not in the amazing way you would obviously expect.

Joe and Jake - You’re Not Alone. I’m fairly sure I’ve (inexplicably) watched every single episode of The Voice. I do not remember these guys. Or the song. And I’m listening to it as I type this.

Matthew James - A Better Man. A hipster hat can’t hide the eyewatering wiff of gorgonzola...  I don’t hate it so much that I can’t see it growing on me, but I’d rather Will Young represented us, rather than a Tonight Matthew version.

So there we have it! Who will win? Well, I care as much as I usually do about our entry - i.e., not much. The Swedes will blates BRING IT (Petraaaaaaaaa!), so the contest will clearly be the usual triumph and that is all that matters.