In what might be an attempt
to Love Love Peace Peace things up, the Italians are opening tonight’s semi
with their James Corden equivalent, Alessandro Cattelan, being co-opted into a
dance routine, for what I *think* is comic effect. I’m not sure quite where the comedy arises –
it might be because they are making him dance when he’s famously not very good
at dancing? Which is bold, cause for much of Europe, he
is not famous full stop and we’re just watching a man being average at
dancing for no clear reason. Mind you, I’ve been utterly baffled by
Italian humour since I worked at a conference in the Alps some years ago and some Italian
delegates performed a skit one evening in which a woman wore a ski mask and made buzzing
noises with a kazoo at two grown men, who sat around on chairs and made wafting movements, pretending to get increasingly exasperated as she carried on buzzing
around. I believe she was supposed to be
a fly, and the ‘comedy’ arose from her adult human size relative to that of a
real insect and the fact the men were acting as if they couldn’t see her. The Italians
around me were (and when I say literally, I mean literally,) literally crying
with laughter and bent over double in pain at the sheer hilarity of it. Like I said: baffling.
May I also add, lest it seem
like I’ve committed slander, that Alessandro is only James Corden-esque in that
he presents a late night chat show; he otherwise seems servicably amicable and charming. Anyway other than a quite good bit where it looks like he’s
being spun around in the air as if by magic (immediately revealed to be green
screen), it’s... well, it filled the time I suppose. It did mean less screen-time for Laura Pausini’s
slicked back hair, off-kilter intensity and goddess-like ability to pull focus
at all times. See, she’s already drawn
me in and away from the real purpose of our gathering, so enough about the opener - that’s just the part when you
gather the snacks. On with the show!
1. Finland
The Rasmus - "Jezebel"
You remember The Rasmus? In The Shadows? The kind of song that comes up in a pub quiz and you absolutely know it, but struggle to remember both band and song, and have to settle for a half point, if the quiz master is feeling generous. Anyway, The Rasmus are still kicking around, still making nu-metally pop with catchy chorus hooks, and this year they are gracing Eurovision with their presence. They’ve also brought THE WEIRD, as Finns are wont to do, kicking things off with frontman Lauri in a yellow trawler jacket and shiny leggings, holding a balloon and staring directly into the camera murderous clown-style, which is just what you want in a family show. (FYI I watched Stephen King's It when I was 15 and I have, true fact, never watched a horror film since and resolutely never will). As well as balloon work, the band’s styling involves yellow welly boot Doc Martins, which I wholeheartedly covet, though I do worry about their practicality. The song bangs as much as In The Shadows did, but feels more Eurovijy, not least because of the confusing lyrics “Game set, a killer shark in heels / High licks, a predator on wheels”. So.... is song protagonist Jezebel a woman, an animal, a car? I’m not sure it matters. Well done Finland, if you’re going to resurrect aging popstars, this is the way to go. (NB: Lauri Ylönen is exactly my age.)
Did this make it? Yes!
Are we surprised? No!
2. Israel
Michael Ben David - "I.M"
You didn’t think Eurovision could get any camper? INCORRECT. Michael Ben David is smashing that stereotype, and proving we’ve been watching a sober MOR muso fest all these years. He starts with intent: hand on hip, tight white smock shirt with large pointed collar and outside shaperwear, before launching into some falsetto Mariah runs and a catwalk strut with mucho bum wiggle. The vibe here very much reminds me of the Single Ladies dance put to the Thomas the Tank Engine theme, as Michael is joined by two similarly white clad man friends and get down with full Beyoncé choreo to fetching high NRG Euro-pop. We don’t see the pop starlet and friends hair whip and gyrate dance routine in male form very often, but I was absolutely here for it tonight.
Did this make it? Waaaaah, nope.
Are we surprised? I bet it went down a storm in the room, but it’s neither typical jury or televote fodder.
Are we surprised? I bet it went down a storm in the room, but it’s neither typical jury or televote fodder.
A propos of nothing (by which I mean a propos of everything and specifically this), there's often chatter about the role of the artist as a representative for their country, but I often think about the country's role as a representative for the artist and all the complexity that throws up. MBC seems a lovely sort, but world events would be a lot to carry on your 25 year old shoulders in front of 200 million people, eh?
3. Serbia
Konstrakta - "In corpore sano"
Where.
To.
Begin?
Maybe by saying I'm pretty sure I saw this at Tate Modern a few years ago - floor 4 of the Blavatnik building, or maybe in The Tanks, AKA where they stick the especially weird bits. Time to commission some Konstrakta immediately, art world - this is right up that contemporary alley. There she sits, astride a commode, with unblinking eye contact and severe shiny black fringe, dressed in what is either a crisp white nurse's uniform or freshly pressed Saturday Night Fever suit (and/or both), in front of an exquisite Villeroy&Boch bowl basin, chanting about Megan Markle and Bonnie Tyler (?), washing her hands, as five of her friends/disciples/minders stand around her looking dead-eyed into the distance, in black robes and towel shawls, intoning along here and there, before they all start clapping in the, well, I think it’s a chorus, and take it in turns to use their towels to dry Konstrakta’s hands. (And breathe.) The vibe is spa meets sacrificial offering, and you think you’ve clocked the premise, but there’s still plenty to come: some over the head towel waving/moshing, a Gregorian monk choral interlude, some bowing and shuffling, an LED light show, more clapping, a bit of Queen Elizabeth hand waving, and a final hand wash.
Konstrakta - "In corpore sano"
Where.
To.
Begin?
Maybe by saying I'm pretty sure I saw this at Tate Modern a few years ago - floor 4 of the Blavatnik building, or maybe in The Tanks, AKA where they stick the especially weird bits. Time to commission some Konstrakta immediately, art world - this is right up that contemporary alley. There she sits, astride a commode, with unblinking eye contact and severe shiny black fringe, dressed in what is either a crisp white nurse's uniform or freshly pressed Saturday Night Fever suit (and/or both), in front of an exquisite Villeroy&Boch bowl basin, chanting about Megan Markle and Bonnie Tyler (?), washing her hands, as five of her friends/disciples/minders stand around her looking dead-eyed into the distance, in black robes and towel shawls, intoning along here and there, before they all start clapping in the, well, I think it’s a chorus, and take it in turns to use their towels to dry Konstrakta’s hands. (And breathe.) The vibe is spa meets sacrificial offering, and you think you’ve clocked the premise, but there’s still plenty to come: some over the head towel waving/moshing, a Gregorian monk choral interlude, some bowing and shuffling, an LED light show, more clapping, a bit of Queen Elizabeth hand waving, and a final hand wash.
In
short, a triumph. Though I hope she has
some of that Norwegian hand cream to see her through.
Did this make it? YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are we surprised? YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4. Azerbaijan
Nadir Rustamli - "Fade to Black"
Pffff, a man in bandage socks and ath-leisure-wear sings sad boy ballad on high school bleachers and does a bit of lying down in the name of a dance routine, which morphs into either a gay love story, or a metaphor for his inner thoughts, when he’s joined by a beefy man dancer several socially-distanced bleachers away. There’s also some moving staircase action, so I decide to ask the WhatsApp chat whether they think the inspiration is Harry Potter or MC Escher, in a bid to show off how cultural I am, before I’m absolutely schooled that the best use of weird staircases is OBVIOUSLY Labyrinth.
Did this make it? Yep.
Are we surprised? *coughs* bribed the juries *coughs*
5. Georgia
Circus Mircus - "Lock Me In"
Where.
To.
Begin?
(Part 2)
Well, the literal start of this is the spinning disembodied head of a bearded man in a neck ruffle projected on to a giant screen, in duplicate, lip-syncing “show me what you got” over a rather funky baseline. We’re then treated to silhouettes of the band, who are revealed to be…
1. On drums, a man in a full face mask with metal mascara-ed sunglasses and studded Stetson.
2. On electric guitar, a man in a fringed leather jacket with beard made of wildflower meadow - yep, actual flowers sprouting out his chin; a hayfever red flag, sure, but quite extraordinary manscaping.
3. On lead vocals and keytar (a keytar, uh-HUH, you know it girl), a man in a bowler hat, flipped out curly bob and mining googles with lenses made of ancient coins, which will, I appreciate, protect the eyes, but do also have the somewhat impractical effect of obscuring all vision.
4. On… I want to say hurdy
gurdy..? A mohawked eye-patched pirate
man with big studded pointy collar and quarterback meets Adam Ant eye make-up.
Anyway, the four of them are churning out some funky bassline, guitar noodling and a baggy era chorus straight from
Blur’s Leisure off-cuts, and it’s 100% the kind of thing a certain type of
hipster would go absolutely mad for, if only it weren’t at Eurovision. Then, just in case the music's distracted us from the weird, the hurdy gurdy opens up to reveal the
band in teeny marionette form, perfectly replicated inside the box bit, and you can be sure that the mini hurdy
gurdy's player's hurdy gurdy contains an even mini-er hurdy
gurdy (it's really just a cardboard box but I've committed now) and so on for infinity, as that’s the kind of fever dream Clockwork
Orange/Jean-Pierre Jeunet vibes we are dealing with here. Please all brace for the collective comedown.
Did this make it? Sadly not.
Are we surprised? Mainly just disappointed.
6. Malta
Emma Muscat - "I Am What I Am"
Emma might try to argue that, after so much kerazy, this was always going to bomb, but the truth is that this is a weak performance of a below average pop song with only a fantastic mirror mini-dress and enormous silver trainers going for it. Even the dancing on top of a piano looks uninspired and mundane. The real crime, however, isn’t the MORness of the tune and lyrics, but Bridezilla levels of vindictiveness shown in the backing dancers’ styling. Emma, you get to wear *that dress*, but you stick your bridesmaids in surgical stocking-coloured leotards hoiked up the arse? Uh uh, girlfriend, not ok.
Did this make it? No.
Are we surprised? Other than it’s Eurovj veteran’s Malta? Not in the slightest.
7. San Marino
Achille Lauro - "Stripper"
Oh dear Lord, San Marino, is there anything you won’t do to claw your way into the final? (Not a criticism, let me be clear.)
It may be called Stripper, but there’s not much for Achille to take off, tbh. He’s already in a chiffon laced catsuit over speedos, but I guess the glitter cowboy hat or fur boa could be removed, or those new boot goofin' snakeskins on his feet. He’s caged his band, who are knocking out a lovely glam rock pastiche, but the heroin chic guitarist is allowed to roam free, so Achille can snog him whilst calling "my personal Jesus". Anyway, just in case the look and kiss weren’t enough to make us understand the whole thing was supposed to be very raunchy, the performance culminates with Achille gyrating on a red velvet bucking broncho. Yes yes very good.
Did this make it? Poor San Marino – so much filth and so little reward.
Are we surprised? Kinda – there was a good song under the OTT raunch aesthetic.
8. Australia
Sheldon Riley - "Not the Same"
This is all about the accessories – a crystal crown and full beaded-curtain face covering, culminating in bejewelled beard to the torso. No neglecting the hands either, with finger rings from knuckle to tip across all digits. The costume’s hardly subtle either – white jacket into ballgown tutu dress. And some more staircaseography to boot. It's not my favourite, but only a fool would regret getting the Aussies involved. No to Ozexit! I remain Remain!
Did this make it? Yes mate.
Are we surprised? It’s a big-voiced ballad celebrating being different performed by a very competent singer – jury will have lapped that up and fair dinkum.
9. Cyprus
Andromache - "Ela"
Shell and mermaid theme, with a costume budget limited to the dregs of a Shein countdown sale – just looking at her peach cut-out dress made me feel itchy. As for the music: a catchy-ish pop tune with some traditional instrumentation - usually right up my street, but this needed way more oomph than beautiful Andromache was able give it. Basically, it was lacking a thousand times more hair flicks and a longer line of lady dancers shaking all and sundry. Eleni Fuego would have taken this to heights it deserved. Missed opportunity in my view.
Did this make it? No.
Are we surprised? Gutted we’ll only see Greece in the mutual douze love-in. (Not so mutual if it’s just the one, I suppose.)
10. Ireland
Brooke - "That's Rich"
Ireland – once the jewel in the Eurovision crown - must now suffer/enjoy rock bottom expectations. But maybe things are on the up - right from the opening riff I could smell some Sia and Xenomenia influences, which if you're looking for pop references are the absolute go to. This, lads, is a classified bop - my gawd I’d love to have heard Girls Aloud put this out as an early days B-side (RIP lovely Sarah). Though Brooke isn’t doing a bad job here at all, dancing and singing away alongside her mates, all several cocktails into quite the Girls’ Night Out. The costume is exactly what you’d expect for a night out up town: Never Fully Dressed, fully hot mess. We're talking big turquoise bra and big turquoise pants and big turquoise waders and big turquoise gauze overskirt and big plastic faux-diamonds, with Brooke's friends supporting her all the way in white hotpants. Wow I'm old and judgy. Do I think Brooke and friends will care? Ha! As if! These girls had the time of their lives up there, endless craic ahoy (peeking out the hotpants). I especially loved that when Brooke finished her song, she didn't tearfully gush ‘grazie mille I love you Europe’ at the end for the crowd, but instead threw out a guttural shout of “olé olé olé” to kick off some good old audience call and response.
Did this make it? First time I’ve thought Ireland should qualify in years – but no cigar.
Are we surprised? It’s always risky for a popstrel to show a bit of rugby lad attitude, but you go girl. Olé olé olé.
11. North Macedonia
Andrea - "Circles"
Young woman in Amidala make-up and tresses, and black shiny pac-a-mac with sequined shoulders. The song is called Circles but the lightshow is lines. And if this reads like a boring blog entry that’s because, well, so was the song.
Did this make it? No.
Are we surprised? I liked it more IRL than it sounds on paper, but no, we really aren't surprised.
12. Estonia
Stefan - "Hope"
Estonia have a tradition of sending extremely handsome solo male artists, but they must be running out of the gobsmackingly beautiful ones because Stefan is only conventionally handsome, rather than 'I can’t even look at him directly or I'll turn to stone' handsome, which is the usual standard. He seemed to be wearing beige pleather and badly cut slightly too small trousers, but not in a taut sexy way. I think he was singing some kind of country anthem thing, but truthfully I mostly missed it because I was in the kitchen making myself a hot chocolate.
Did this make it? Clearly standard handsome levels of handsomeness are enough. See you on Saturday, Stefan.
Are we surprised? I know superficiality pays, but yes. Very.
13. Romania
WRS - "Llámame"
Lithe-hipped young man in scarlet flamenco blouse, PVC trousers and chandelier belt; but believe me when I say Romania looked 100% totes butch compared to San Marino and Israel. The seventies were Tuesday's theme and we've not seen much of that influence tonight, but the female dancers are in burgundy velvet flared catsuits with circular cut outs (revealing side ribs and whatever the hip to bum area is called) - even if that's not seventies, it's the nineties' take on the era, so we are firmly in a world of retro. The men meanwhile are in matching tight vests cropped just south of the nips, which we can all agree is simply timeless fashion. Performance-wise, there’s a heavy samba feel to the dance routine and the song is mainly cries of “holla bebebebe”. The territory here is that summer hit you think you love, but then you get back home and start to wonder what you were hearing. (Reader, you were hearing five in a night hair of the dog margaritas.)
Did this make it? Si!
Are we surprised? Well it managed to win me over.
14. Poland
Ochman - "River"
It sounds bitchy, but I wasn't expecting Bond suit and good looking from Poland (perhaps I thought Estonia has desensitised me). But they're not just relying on face here - there's something of Arcade in the song, and something of Chris Isaak's Wicked Game, with some added electronica thrown in. Guys, I think this might be... good? For anyone still on the fence, he’s just brought in some high octave runs and some frantic lady dancers in ribbon dresses with gauze bags over the head, which I'm going to call "Gilead execution look". So clearly we're all on board now.
Did this make it? It did!
Are we surprised? Turns out you don’t need butter-churning busty milkmaids. Just ones condemned by a regime of the dystopian future. Progress!
15. Montenegro
Vladana - "Breathe"
I wrote down “burbling warbling singing that is just noises” which could, I suppose, describe most types of music, but I must admit was meant less generously on this occasion. The styling was a touch more memorable - a light-up corset on ice-skater bodice and a fuck off great circle tied to her back for no discernible reason, unless she was seeking to break the record for world’s largest sombrero.
Did this make it? Nope.
Are we surprised? The diametric opposite.
16. Belgium
Jérémie Makiese - "Miss You"
“probably very radio friendly but bit meh on stage good silver jacket big vocal” is what my notes say. Can you tell I’m running out of stamina here? (You and me both, amiright.)
Did this make it? Sadly not.
Are we surprised? Mainly just disappointed.
6. Malta
Emma Muscat - "I Am What I Am"
Emma might try to argue that, after so much kerazy, this was always going to bomb, but the truth is that this is a weak performance of a below average pop song with only a fantastic mirror mini-dress and enormous silver trainers going for it. Even the dancing on top of a piano looks uninspired and mundane. The real crime, however, isn’t the MORness of the tune and lyrics, but Bridezilla levels of vindictiveness shown in the backing dancers’ styling. Emma, you get to wear *that dress*, but you stick your bridesmaids in surgical stocking-coloured leotards hoiked up the arse? Uh uh, girlfriend, not ok.
Did this make it? No.
Are we surprised? Other than it’s Eurovj veteran’s Malta? Not in the slightest.
7. San Marino
Achille Lauro - "Stripper"
Oh dear Lord, San Marino, is there anything you won’t do to claw your way into the final? (Not a criticism, let me be clear.)
It may be called Stripper, but there’s not much for Achille to take off, tbh. He’s already in a chiffon laced catsuit over speedos, but I guess the glitter cowboy hat or fur boa could be removed, or those new boot goofin' snakeskins on his feet. He’s caged his band, who are knocking out a lovely glam rock pastiche, but the heroin chic guitarist is allowed to roam free, so Achille can snog him whilst calling "my personal Jesus". Anyway, just in case the look and kiss weren’t enough to make us understand the whole thing was supposed to be very raunchy, the performance culminates with Achille gyrating on a red velvet bucking broncho. Yes yes very good.
Did this make it? Poor San Marino – so much filth and so little reward.
Are we surprised? Kinda – there was a good song under the OTT raunch aesthetic.
8. Australia
Sheldon Riley - "Not the Same"
This is all about the accessories – a crystal crown and full beaded-curtain face covering, culminating in bejewelled beard to the torso. No neglecting the hands either, with finger rings from knuckle to tip across all digits. The costume’s hardly subtle either – white jacket into ballgown tutu dress. And some more staircaseography to boot. It's not my favourite, but only a fool would regret getting the Aussies involved. No to Ozexit! I remain Remain!
Did this make it? Yes mate.
Are we surprised? It’s a big-voiced ballad celebrating being different performed by a very competent singer – jury will have lapped that up and fair dinkum.
9. Cyprus
Andromache - "Ela"
Shell and mermaid theme, with a costume budget limited to the dregs of a Shein countdown sale – just looking at her peach cut-out dress made me feel itchy. As for the music: a catchy-ish pop tune with some traditional instrumentation - usually right up my street, but this needed way more oomph than beautiful Andromache was able give it. Basically, it was lacking a thousand times more hair flicks and a longer line of lady dancers shaking all and sundry. Eleni Fuego would have taken this to heights it deserved. Missed opportunity in my view.
Did this make it? No.
Are we surprised? Gutted we’ll only see Greece in the mutual douze love-in. (Not so mutual if it’s just the one, I suppose.)
10. Ireland
Brooke - "That's Rich"
Ireland – once the jewel in the Eurovision crown - must now suffer/enjoy rock bottom expectations. But maybe things are on the up - right from the opening riff I could smell some Sia and Xenomenia influences, which if you're looking for pop references are the absolute go to. This, lads, is a classified bop - my gawd I’d love to have heard Girls Aloud put this out as an early days B-side (RIP lovely Sarah). Though Brooke isn’t doing a bad job here at all, dancing and singing away alongside her mates, all several cocktails into quite the Girls’ Night Out. The costume is exactly what you’d expect for a night out up town: Never Fully Dressed, fully hot mess. We're talking big turquoise bra and big turquoise pants and big turquoise waders and big turquoise gauze overskirt and big plastic faux-diamonds, with Brooke's friends supporting her all the way in white hotpants. Wow I'm old and judgy. Do I think Brooke and friends will care? Ha! As if! These girls had the time of their lives up there, endless craic ahoy (peeking out the hotpants). I especially loved that when Brooke finished her song, she didn't tearfully gush ‘grazie mille I love you Europe’ at the end for the crowd, but instead threw out a guttural shout of “olé olé olé” to kick off some good old audience call and response.
Did this make it? First time I’ve thought Ireland should qualify in years – but no cigar.
Are we surprised? It’s always risky for a popstrel to show a bit of rugby lad attitude, but you go girl. Olé olé olé.
11. North Macedonia
Andrea - "Circles"
Young woman in Amidala make-up and tresses, and black shiny pac-a-mac with sequined shoulders. The song is called Circles but the lightshow is lines. And if this reads like a boring blog entry that’s because, well, so was the song.
Did this make it? No.
Are we surprised? I liked it more IRL than it sounds on paper, but no, we really aren't surprised.
12. Estonia
Stefan - "Hope"
Estonia have a tradition of sending extremely handsome solo male artists, but they must be running out of the gobsmackingly beautiful ones because Stefan is only conventionally handsome, rather than 'I can’t even look at him directly or I'll turn to stone' handsome, which is the usual standard. He seemed to be wearing beige pleather and badly cut slightly too small trousers, but not in a taut sexy way. I think he was singing some kind of country anthem thing, but truthfully I mostly missed it because I was in the kitchen making myself a hot chocolate.
Did this make it? Clearly standard handsome levels of handsomeness are enough. See you on Saturday, Stefan.
Are we surprised? I know superficiality pays, but yes. Very.
13. Romania
WRS - "Llámame"
Lithe-hipped young man in scarlet flamenco blouse, PVC trousers and chandelier belt; but believe me when I say Romania looked 100% totes butch compared to San Marino and Israel. The seventies were Tuesday's theme and we've not seen much of that influence tonight, but the female dancers are in burgundy velvet flared catsuits with circular cut outs (revealing side ribs and whatever the hip to bum area is called) - even if that's not seventies, it's the nineties' take on the era, so we are firmly in a world of retro. The men meanwhile are in matching tight vests cropped just south of the nips, which we can all agree is simply timeless fashion. Performance-wise, there’s a heavy samba feel to the dance routine and the song is mainly cries of “holla bebebebe”. The territory here is that summer hit you think you love, but then you get back home and start to wonder what you were hearing. (Reader, you were hearing five in a night hair of the dog margaritas.)
Did this make it? Si!
Are we surprised? Well it managed to win me over.
14. Poland
Ochman - "River"
It sounds bitchy, but I wasn't expecting Bond suit and good looking from Poland (perhaps I thought Estonia has desensitised me). But they're not just relying on face here - there's something of Arcade in the song, and something of Chris Isaak's Wicked Game, with some added electronica thrown in. Guys, I think this might be... good? For anyone still on the fence, he’s just brought in some high octave runs and some frantic lady dancers in ribbon dresses with gauze bags over the head, which I'm going to call "Gilead execution look". So clearly we're all on board now.
Did this make it? It did!
Are we surprised? Turns out you don’t need butter-churning busty milkmaids. Just ones condemned by a regime of the dystopian future. Progress!
15. Montenegro
Vladana - "Breathe"
I wrote down “burbling warbling singing that is just noises” which could, I suppose, describe most types of music, but I must admit was meant less generously on this occasion. The styling was a touch more memorable - a light-up corset on ice-skater bodice and a fuck off great circle tied to her back for no discernible reason, unless she was seeking to break the record for world’s largest sombrero.
Did this make it? Nope.
Are we surprised? The diametric opposite.
16. Belgium
Jérémie Makiese - "Miss You"
“probably very radio friendly but bit meh on stage good silver jacket big vocal” is what my notes say. Can you tell I’m running out of stamina here? (You and me both, amiright.)
Did this make it? It did!
Are we surprised? Eurovision hasn’t always been very good at supporting black artists, so good on ya, Jérémie.
17. Sweden
Cornelia Jakobs - "Hold Me Closer"
It’s essentially the story of another Swedish pop classic, Save Tonight by Eagle Eye Cherry, but if pop deity Robyn had taken the same plot line and run with it, musically. This is proper cool, impactful sophistipop and I think it has the potential to be one of my all-time EV favourites. Yes, it’s polished and clinical, maybe even manufactured and cynical - this is Sweden after all - but I don’t care. I love it. It’s just excellent quality pop – instantly accessible and satisfying, but interesting too, and feels current, not that I can necessarily tell.
And, not that it should matter, but it always does, she looks incredible
– silver streamer top of dreams and choppy blonde bob millions of women will be requesting of their hairdressers on Monday. Somehow both nonchalant yet throwing out a sense of drama. OMG, repeat and replay. Yes it’s pure Swedish pop factory, no I do
not care – shoot it straight into my ear veins.
Did this make it? Obviously.
Are we surprised? If anything is going to beat Ukraine (it’s not), I think this might be it.
18. Czech Republic
We Are Domi - "Lights Off"
Czech Kristen Stewart with a week of unwashed hair and a purple upholstery corset, backed up a couple of strapping Norwegians, one of who is playing a complex looking control panel awash with knobs and buttons, whilst the other uses a violin bow on a guitar. They’re just on the right side of experimental and hipster and are providing us with some expectedly cool electropop with deep house undertones, about which I have little to criticise bar the lead singer’s terribly unflattering decorator’s trousers. There’s some eighties melancholy in the excellent lines “tried changing jobs / tried changing lovers / changing my furniture / change my bed covers” and I am here for it (trousers notwithstanding).
Did this make it? It did!
Are we surprised? Maybe, but I rather like this dark horse of a track. Well done.
Anyway, that’s us, Votey McVoteface time. Whilst Europe works out which overly complicated way of voting their particular country has been allocated, Laura Pausini dons a white fringed kaftan and sings some terrible garbage with Mika, whilst I shout “play Big Girl You Are Beautiful” at the telly.
But that’s
yer lot for the semi-finals/blog fun – enjoy the Big Night, kids. My musical heart says Sweden, my real heart says
Ukraine, and my national bias says maybe Sam Ryder really *can* hit the top part of the left hand side and finally get the UK tabloid scene to
shut up about how Europe hates us. We ever live in hope, don't we. Exciting times! Ciao bellos.
